On Weeds

"You should rather be grateful for the weeds you have in your mind, because eventually they will enrich your practice." -Shunryu Suzuki from Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind

I came across this quote awhile ago, when I was first starting the herb project and still in the research phase. Reading Eastern philosophical texts was not a part of the research phase for the herbs, but a part of a reinvigorated commitment to spiritual practice (i.e. meditation, yoga, etc.) that has waned to a very thin sliver of a crescent over the years and just so happened to coincide with the herb growing project. Imagine my delight to come across such a poignant quote, relevant to the herb growing project and to my current spiritual state.

Weeds of the mind... In fact, my mind is quite overgrown with weeds in this very moment, making it difficult to write this post. The weeds have been growing for quite some time and somehow, despite various efforts, I have not managed to prune them nor to allow them to "enrich my practice," as Suzuki suggests. Perhaps my failure lies in the fact that I wasn't fully embracing and exploring the weedy thoughts: I didn't like the intolerable feeling of them overrunning my mind and sought to either ignore them or banish them outright. And so they remain, invading every space in my head, wrapping around neurons, tangling neural networks, and creeping into the space between the brain and the skull; very soon they will start inching out of my ears. A radical shift from resistance to acceptance is worth a shot at this point, an effort to salvage some sort of grace in the tumult.

We might find it difficult at first to conceptualize negative thoughts--or "mind weeds"--as potentially beneficial to our personal development and overall well-being. Similar to actual weeds, they are notoriously invasive, encroaching upon what is perceived as beautiful or good. Repulsed by the unsightly, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable nature of mind weeds, we want to quickly be rid of them, preferring the smooth tranquility of a well-manicured mind, much like we relish in the sight of a clean-shaven garden, with no rough weed-stubble to rub against our vision, irritating the aesthetic eye. Many herbs are actually considered weeds and therefore reviled, yet within their leaves is housed enormous potential to heal, restore, and nourish. So too may mind weeds hold promises of restoration and insight. As with herbal medicine and research, it is a matter of experimenting with methods of extraction and application of compounds to arrive at an effective approach to using mind weeds to heal the spirit, rather than allowing them to asphyxiate the spirit. Instead of viewing weeds as nuisances to be eradicated, we might dare to see them as a bountiful crop to be harvested and appreciated, whether they exist in our gardens or in our minds.

It is a tall order, this proposed mind shift. The weeds are so deeply entrenched in toxic substrate that to infuse them with positivity seems a nigh impossible task. To yank them out is the easiest, quickest remedy, but like actual weeds, mind weeds grow back too. And by continuing to view them as an annoyance, every time they grow back, frustration burgeons as well, growing exponentially each time the weeds reemerge until in crescendoed desperation, we frantically pull and tug, yank and rip in a futile attempt to expunge all traces of their existence. After the frenzied flailing has subsided, it is quiet; it is still: but the reprieve is only temporary. Return the weeds shall and to entangle in vengeance, punishment for not heeding the wisdom of their presence. In hopes of evading this wrath and learning something new, I'm going to stop weeding and just be with the weeds for awhile, in mind and in soil.